This is actually huge for me. I never would have put up a website before. I never would have thought anyone would actually be interested in having me as a source for anything to say. My friends said I had self-esteem issues, and I guess they were right.
But then I started a program I found online, and it saved my life. I know, I sound like a bad infomercial, but it’s true. I used the program and a source, and it taught me that by using affirmations, mind training exercises, and other tricks, I could actually build my self-esteem and become the person I’d always wanted to be.
The Source: In The Beginning…
Okay, let’s start from the beginning. Who knows how the whole low-self-esteem thing started. I mean, we all get into bad places at times, but mine just kind of…stuck. It’s not like I had a hideous childhood or anything. I mean, we were fully dysfunctional, but the way I figure it, dysfunctionality is the functionality of the new millennium. So I certainly can’t pinpoint a source for the problem in childhood.
I think it started in college. I’ll spare you massive amounts of psychoanalyzing myself, but that’s my guess. Typical stuff. Had a hideous breakup with my high school boyfriend (dumped me the week after we mutually lost our virginity to each other for a girl named Jeni-with-an-i. Come on!), had an evil roommate and was slow making friends, got overwhelmed with work, started staying up late and eating massive amounts of pizza. By the time I graduated, I was overweight, insecure, and whatever source I had found for my self-esteem for the first two decades of my life felt completely gone.
So another decade went by. Cut to me at thirty. About seventy pounds too heavy, living at home with my parents, working a lame, boring, thankless job that I hated, but it had the advantage of allowing me to work from home at the computer. That meant I didn’t have to deal with an office of people I knew wouldn’t like me, and I could munch on Snackwells while I worked so I could use the crunching as a source to tune out all the thoughts rattling around in my head about what a giant loser I was. Clearly, self-esteem was at an all-time low.
Source For Answers?
I knew I was in a rut. I really did. And I knew something had to change. I knew I had to kick my self-esteem into gear because I had no confidence, and because of that, I was letting my life slip away from me. I needed a source to lean on, and at first I turned to everyone’s favorite cure-all, therapy.
Know what the problem is with therapy? It’s extremely self-indulgent! I went for two years, and formed this great friendship with my therapist, and had a great time talking about my life, and my parents. But the therapist never kicked me in the butt. She was never a source of useful information, never told me what I could actively do to rev up my self-esteem and get my life moving again. She just had me wallow in my misery!
That’s when I found the online program. Actually, a friend I had met in a chat room recommended it. (At that point, more of my friends were “virtual” than real.) It totally slapped me in the face with reality. I realized I was not out of control at all. I was choosing to have low self-esteem, and could just as easily choose to be a source of strength instead!
It didn’t happen overnight. I went through a series of small changes as my strength and self-esteem grew. But it has been six months now, and I’m a new person. I’ve lost twenty-five pounds, I quit my job and now work in an office with actual people, I’m going out and doing things I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ve filled out applications to go back to school and get my masters so I can become a teacher, which was my dream, but I didn’t have the guts to pursue it. I’m putting up ! Confidence and Self Esteem Improvement Source because I think everyone can benefit from a program like the one I used. Even if you’re not as bad off as I was, even if you just don’t feel quite as confident as you’d like, this will be an amazing source to kick your self-esteem into gear and prod you into the greatness you’ve always known was inside you. If it worked for me, it can work for anyone.